I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
