"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
NoShamevember. You game?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
