she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
