She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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