i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
