She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
