My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
