he told me I talked like a deaf person
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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