His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
