I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Don't make out with my wife yet
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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