Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
