i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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