fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
