you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
