it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
