I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
