I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
