if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
