i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
