false alarm. still invincible.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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