dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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