He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
