I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
