He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
