Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis

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(512): View more from Texas

Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.

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(727): View more from Florida

I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"

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(304): View more from West Virginia

The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower

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(+61): View more from Australia

I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother

(1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.

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