You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I cannot find my penis.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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