I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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