Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
