my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
