You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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