therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
