There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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