i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
