i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All the doctor said was why
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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