so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
