mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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