had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
