everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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