We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My ass is underappreciated
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
