need another drink. this is the easiest way
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
