My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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