You just made me feel so damn special
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize