In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
