Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
