We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
