what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
