dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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