wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
