I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
