worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
