My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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