..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
