WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
