I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We talked him into tasing himself.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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