Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
