The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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