Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize