the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
