I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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