hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
