remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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