is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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