I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
