Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
