After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
