Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
