i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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