I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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