So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
