I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
