dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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