My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
