U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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