Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
